I have this obsession. It’s frozen yogurt. So, when a new Fro-Yo (are we still saying this?) opened up near our house, I had no choice but to take the Chase Man for an evening treat. The night started out with going to K-Mart to scavenge the leftover Halloween costumes. I don’t have anything to wear yet, and tomorrow’s the big day. K-Mart ended up being a total bust, but Chase thought the trip was a success after happening upon Nicki Minaj’s new clothing line, which comes with spikey hats and an assortment of large bracelets. After telling him that no, Nicki Minaj does not make jewelry and hats for boys…Sorry, we started walking toward the exit. This was abruptly ended when I noticed that Chase had a handful of Chapstick in different flavors. Then we had to have the You’re totally going to jail if you don’t put that shit back talk…Again. Once that issue was sorted out, we left.
The next, and final, stop on our list was that new Fro-Yo place. We found the closest parking spot we could, ran quickly to the entrance before they closed (it was 7:40 and the place closed at 8), and risked our lives “Frogger” style as we zig-zagged between mini-vans vying for the next available parking space.
If you’ve ever seen “The Wizard of Oz,” then you’ll understand what it was like to suddenly walk into the brightest, greenest, most amazing place ever. “Welcome to Let’s Yo!” smiled the waitress, and she handed us our yogurt cups to fill to the brim with mounds of creamy chocolate and happiness. I was certain that life could not be better than it was at that moment, but that’s when we saw the iPads. Oh, that’s right. I said iPads. There were at least 8 of them, all mounted on fluorescent lime displays, all waiting to be played with. Chase and I pulled up two chairs, yogurt in hand, and began Candy Crushing our way through the night. Then, a stroke of genius hit me like one of those mini-vans still searching for a parking spot. “Let’s send Dad a video of us eating yogurt!” I exclaimed. “Great idea!” Chase replied, which should have been the first indication that it was actually a terrible idea, because this is the same guy that thought rubbing his thumbs across a razor in the bathtub was a great idea.
You know what they say, though, hindsight is 20/20. So, we turned on the camera, hit “video” and started filming ourselves shoving frozen goodness into our mouths. I hit “Send,” and JD had received it by the time we made it home.
Now, Reader, you’re probably already realizing that this was a really stupid decision. You must understand, I’m not normally this dumb, but something came over me in the excitement of the moment and my better judgment all but vanished.
I’d forgotten about even going to get frozen yogurt last night, so when I came home today to JD just staring at me, I was a tad confused.
“Hey there! How was your day?” I asked.
“Hey. Oh, it was great,” he replied. But something in his voice said that wasn’t true. Oh that’s right, it’s called him sounding like a sarcastic jerk face.
“What’s going on?”
“Well, Jaimie, a lot…A lot is going on. A lot of text messages,” he stated matter-of-factly.
“That little video you sent from the yogurt place? Well, turns out now everyone who gets on that iPad has my phone number. So I keep getting texts…Let’s see here. Um. Oh, here’s one: Poop. Here’s another one: Pee. Oh and we can’t forget about this gem: Poop you. And, just to make sure I got their point: I hope you have a poop day. So thanks, Jaimie. Thanks.”
Reader, when I tell you that I’ve never laughed so hard in my life, I’m giving you the God’s honest truth. Some people almost piss their pants when they’re laughing hard; I thought I was going to shit mine.
And right in the middle of this glorious conversation, Someone. Called. JD.
“Answer it!” I implored.
Loud girl talking.
“This is Joe.”
Loud girl talking. Multiple girls shrieking with laughter. Dial-tone.
“What’d they say?” I waited in anticipation.
“They said Wrong number, and then starting laughing, Jaimie. DAMNIT!”
The only logical thing I could think to do was call my mom and burst out into an uproarious laughter. So I did.
Then, just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, Reader. Just as I was starting to type this post, JD called out to me from upstairs: “Jaimie, son of bitch! They’re trying to video chat with me!”
And that is why I’m having a Happy Halloween :)